Some people care too much. Codependency.
Codependency. It seems that some people care too much and others just dont care enough. Either way, giving to others is an important part of our lives. Giving is also receiving. When we give we often reinforce how we see ourselves. And this isn’t alway healthy.
Codependency is a unhealthy behaviour charaterised by the need to rescue others and to give too much. Codependents become involved with people that need to be ‘fixed;’. In a sense they are relationship addicts, having a insatiable desire to be involved and significant to others. They constantly look outwards for approval, paying little attention to their inner needs for fear of what they may find.
They feel the need to solve the problems of others. Always on the lookout for an injured bird to mend. Putting up with way too much and receiving way too little in return. They take on other people’s issues, anxiety, guilt, pain, anger and make it their own. Their needs become dependent on the needs of others.
One effect of codependency is to live in a constant state of Anxiety. Worrying that at some point the world that they have tried so hard to keep together is going to tip over and shatter. They walk on egg shells, fearful of what people close to them may do next. As a result they try to control the world around them through the only way they know how. By giving and saving.
How long can someone live with that kind of anxiety? Sadly For many, the unease of codependency becomes their normal. It becomes part of a belief system about their world, and they work hard to prove themselves right. They become a long term prisoner to themselves. They live in a cycle of being Victim, Saviour and persecuter often blaming others for the why things turn out.
“….Because YOU made me that way…”
At the heart of the issue is a poor self worth that needs validation through ‘saving’ others. Codependents seek out relationships that provide them with a sense of need. Often because it allows them to ignore what is broken and dark within themselves. Their martyrdom is where they derive their sense of self-worth.
A way forward.
It would be fair to say that many people will observe some degree of codependency in themselves. Self worth is after all a common 21st century problem. Having some and infrequent behaviour does not necessarily constitute a serious issue. However, it can indicate some un-resolved issues that are always worth seeking help over to avoid escalation.
Turning away from serious codependent issues can be a long difficult path. It requires a deep examination of self. In particular, developing an understand of where it originated from. Often, people treat the symptoms as Anxiety and Depression, unaware of the underlying cause. The most effective way to confront codependency is through Counselling. A Counsellor will help you dig deep inside, uncovering important issues and stay with you as you recover. Hope lies in learning more about yourself. The more you understand codependency the better you can cope with its effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help you live a healthier, fulfilling life.